


One Last Night

by jairyn



Category: Star Wars - All Media Types, Star Wars Prequel Trilogy, Star Wars: The Clone Wars (2008) - All Media Types
Genre: Anisoka, F/M, Force Bond (Star Wars), otp
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-04-15
Updated: 2019-04-18
Packaged: 2020-01-13 16:56:40
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 2
Words: 7,057
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/18473170
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/jairyn/pseuds/jairyn
Summary: Okay I'm still drowning in feels from the Clone Wars Panel/trailer from SWCC today, so here's an old unfinished story of mine that I adapted with some of the new content from the season 7 trailer. I have so many things I need to get out, but this will have to do for now. I'm excited but not excited at the same time, but seeing my babies reunited did me in.





	1. Chapter 1

          She quickly wiped her eyes as soon as he came around the corner. She hoped she’d been fast enough so he hadn’t noticed the tears. “Are you okay?” he asked, coming up on the hiding spot she’d tucked herself into behind some equipment. 

          “I’m fine,” she said quickly, trying to put a smile on her lips, but it was way harder than she thought it would be. 

          “Ahsoka...” Just the way he said her name caused another torrent of emotion and she took a deep breath and focused on adjusting her stance instead of releasing it. 

          “It’s just a lot to take in, that’s all.” She beckoned around her and then crossed her arms. Normally he would have tried to touch her. Normally he would have said something to comfort her. But he looked as uncomfortable as she felt; frozen in indecision between reaching towards her and staying put. “I’ve been gone awhile.”

          He met her eyes and the sad look hit her like a thermal detonator. She was both torn between wanting nothing more than being alone with him and wanting to get as far from him as possible. The worst part? She hated wanting either,  _or_  both. 

          “Well, they missed you,” he said, jumping right to the punch in the gut. “And so did I.” He stepped towards her and she felt her lip tremble and bit down; tightening her arms around herself so he’d get the hint to not come closer. She was starting to feel a bit too much like a cornered animal and she hated that it had come to this. “But you didn’t miss us...” he whispered, straightening and retreating a step or two as subtly as possible.

          “I did.” She curled her lips, quick to correct him. “Of course I did.” She closed her eyes and took a deep breath. She should say something else, she should stop this before it started, but instead she glanced around assessing how to get past him before he could stop her. 

          “Please don’t run away again.” He stepped over to block the escape route she’d been eyeing, but still kept a healthy distance. 

          “I didn’t run away,” she said indignantly. “I just needed some time to figure things out.”

          “And did you?”

          She slowly looked up at his face again. “Not as well as I thought.” She wasn’t lying. She’d thought she had but there was one part that was still just as confusing and frustrating as it had been the day she left. One part that was both muddled in insecurities, pain and heartbreak, while simultaneously being crystal clear. One part she doubted she ever could run from no matter how far away she went.  _Him_. 

          “Well maybe we could figure out the rest of it... together...?”

_If only._

          He sounded so earnest, almost desperate. Did he really want her back that badly? How could that be true? He didn’t know what he wanted; that was a lot of the problem. What she did know, was that if he wanted her as badly as he’d claimed just now, he either wouldn’t have let her go, or would have come after her.

          “This is something you can’t help me with, master,” she said finally. “I’m sorry.”

          “But-”

          “We have a big day tomorrow. We should get some sleep,” she interrupted. “Goodnight.”

          She slipped past him, careful not to let him touch her. Careful to walk as calmly and casually away as she could. Careful to hold herself together while his eyes followed her down the corridor. She didn’t look at him when the lift doors closed between them. 

          The moment she was alone in her room, the hurricane of emotion that she’d been holding back all day was released. She dropped on the flat, rock hard bed, staring down at her old lightsabers in her hands. She ran her thumb up the smooth metal as the tears leaked from her eyes and dropped onto them; splattering in random patterns. 

          They were hers but they weren’t hers. She’d missed them but... she hadn’t told anyone that she wasn’t staying. She didn’t have the nerve to tell Anakin. It would be even harder now, knowing that he’d probably spent countless hours working on them; tinkering, improving, _hoping_ she’d come back. He’d given them new crystals, she didn’t know what had happened to hers. Either that or he’d messed with the lightsaber so much, her own were unrecognizable now. If anything, they felt more like him.

          She ignited them again. It was weird for them to feel so familiar and so foreign. She wasn’t sure the blue color fit her. She should probably feel grateful. She should definitely feel honored. A few years ago, she would have given anything to be more like him, now everything felt so different. So uncomfortable. So... empty. 

          She turned them off and set them aside, getting ready for bed, a few minutes later, curled up on the flat mattress. She’d forgotten just how uncomfortable these were. It wasn’t that her bed at Nyx’s  _was_  comfortable, but it was definitely better than these rock slabs she’d spent most of her life on. Funny how a taste of something different and suddenly going back was that much more painful. She cuddled into the tunic that was way too big for her but she wore every night anyways;  _his_  tunic. The beds weren’t the only thing that brought back painful memories. 

          Seeing him again had hurt far worse than she’d expected. She’d tried to hide her nerves under false confidence. He’d been so surprised to see her, he’d hardly spoken. The moment she’d heard his voice again, throbbing pain had spread through her. Not because he’d hurt her, but rather because she’d hurt him. And she had no idea how he’d react to her walking right back into his life. At least he hadn’t yelled at her, though that might have just been because Master Kenobi had been standing next to him. 

          He’d been so excited when they were face to face. Smiling a lot more than he ever had before. He was chatty and happy and trying his hardest to pick up right where they’d been before everything had gone wrong. But try as she might, she couldn’t bring the smile to her lips. She’d nearly cried when he’d hugged her and just a few minutes ago, she’d almost had a meltdown. Knowing he was on the ship too was making it harder and harder to breathe. 

          He felt so close and yet, so far away. Tomorrow they’d land on Mandalore. Tomorrow they’d do what they always do. And then, just like that, they’d say goodbye again. He’d go back to the temple or Padmé and she’d go back to a repair shop in the underbelly. How had she let Bo Katan talk her into calling the Jedi? Especially  _him?_

          She sighed and tried to relax. Her feelings didn’t matter. They were going to rescue Mandalore from Maul. It was duty and duty alone that was bringing them back together. No matter what, it had to stay that way. 

          She rolled in the bed and faced the wall. She wished she could go to him, like she used to. But those days were long gone. It was for the best. Even if it didn’t feel that way. 

          She had no idea how long she stared at the wall, begging for sleep to come. Starting a battle after a sleepless night was a really bad idea. But try as she might, her mind kept wandering back to Anakin, wherever he was on the giant city-size ship. She knew he hadn’t missed her as much as she’d missed him, no matter what he’d said. Because he’d had Padmé, and Obi Wan, Jedi politics and the war to distract him. She’d only had Nyx and a repair shop, and a few random adventures... Had he lost any sleep over her departure? Had he wondered if she was okay? 

          She shook her head angrily. This wasn’t helping. None of this was helping. It didn’t matter and she needed to accept that. He hadn’t come after her. If he’d cared even a little about her, he would have. But he didn’t. She’d been his padawan, nothing more. She buried her face in the pillow to stifle the tears before they started again. She couldn’t do this, not anymore and especially not now. 

          Her eyes snapped open awhile later. She was imagining it. She was about to close them again when she heard the soft shuffle of feet outside her door and the lightest knock imaginable. As though the person knocking was trying not to be heard so they could walk away and assume she’d been asleep. Too bad she wasn’t asleep. She got up and pushed the button that opened the door. He stood there looking exhausted and disheveled as though he too had been fighting for sleep and it hadn’t come. 

          “Hey, _uh,_ Snips... you’re still up...” He ran his fingers through his hair. “I’m sorry to call so late...” he trailed off as his eyes slid down her. “Is that my old tunic?” he asked in surprise. 

          She looked down and the heat rose in her cheeks. She wrapped her arms around herself tightly. “You left it in my room,” she said defensively. As embarrassed as she was to be caught wearing it, she was afraid he’d suddenly demand it back. And since it was the only thing she had that smelled like him... she didn’t want to lose it. 

          “I wondered where it went,” he murmured. She felt suddenly uncomfortable under his stare.

          “It’s mine now,” she said and slapped her hands over her mouth.  _Oh great._  She turned her back on him and ran over to the bed, dropping her face into her knees. She sounded so pathetic and now he knew it. So much for her carefully crafted calm and confidence earlier during their rather awkward reunion.

          She heard the door close. “It looks better on you,” he said softly. She blinked up at him, feeling a rush of something she hadn’t felt in a year. The tender way he talked to her, the way she’d never heard him talk to anybody else. She didn’t know if it meant anything, but for a long time... she’d lived for those moments.

          “What do you want?” Her voice broke a little and she stared past him. 

          “I couldn’t sleep and well...” he started, and his cheeks blushed a rosy red all the way down to his neck.

          “Is that all I am to you?” she huffed, feeling some of her snippiness returning finally. He seemed to set it off in her. 

          “No of course not and that wasn’t what I meant,” he said, playing with his hands. “I mean sure that was great but... I guess what I’m trying to say is that I meant what I said earlier. I missed you. A lot.” He shuffled his feet again like he’d done in the hall and looked everywhere but at her. “And I was hoping maybe we could talk. For real this time.” He rubbed his hands together, looking uncomfortable. “How have you been?”

          She curled her lips as she studied his face. He’d missed her, but he hadn’t come after her. Was this the time to point that out to him? Or should she just let it drop so they could have one more night together? He looked like a lost pup that had no home. Nothing like the headstrong, overly confident and reckless,  _general,_  she’d known him to be. And despite the pain leaving him had caused her, and the stinging bitterness that he’d  _let_  her walk away without a fight, and even the whole year she’d spent believing she’d meant nothing to him, she felt sorry for him. 

          She sighed and patted the bed next to her. He kicked off his boots and sat down, leaning back against the wall. His wavy mane had gotten so long it was hard to resist the urge to play with it. The bags under his eyes had tripled in size and were several shades darker. Either that or his skin had paled from lack of sun exposure and it exaggerated the lines of wear and tear. For as young as he was, he looked so old. He was drained, and tired. Still shoving all his non-useful emotions deep into a box like he could simply close the lid and they’d never cause a problem again. If only it worked like that. 

          He laughed suddenly, but it was a hollow laugh. As though any emotion that should have filled it was buried in that box. “Remember our first mission together?” he started. “How angry I was about the council dropping a mouthy little padawan in my lap?” She narrowed her eyes at him trying to decide exactly what he thought was funny about that. “I never thought I’d look back on that moment with fondness. And if I’d known then, just how badly I was going to miss that mouthy little padawan when she walked out of my life... maybe I’d have been a lot nicer to her.” He looked at her finally, a tear rolled down his cheek, his blue eyes full of sorrow and longing. “I’m so sorry,” he whispered. “Can you forgive me?”

          “No.” He looked like he’d been slapped, and she cringed a little. “I meant, I can’t forgive you because that implies I  _need_  to forgive you. And I don’t  _need_  to forgive you for anything.” _Except for not coming after her... or seeing how badly the trial had broken her..._ but those were neither here nor there anymore. Though she found it curious that if he missed her as much as he claimed, he hadn’t just come looking for her. What had kept him away? She stood up. “I can’t do this. Please, go.”

          “But...”

          “Anakin.” She took a deep breath. “We’re not friends anymore. We’re just doing a job and when that job is done... we go back to our separate corners of the galaxy.” She turned her back on him and crossed her arms. It hurt to say it. It hurt him to hear it. So much for not telling him she wasn’t returning to the order, but what else could she do?

          Her attachment to him had already caused her enough pain this past year. And now what? He wants them to just go back to a time when everything was okay? Well it’s not okay anymore. It never would be again. And falling back into his arms wasn’t going to change that. 

          She squeezed her eyes shut when she heard him get up, but he didn’t leave. He stepped up behind her, his hands on her upper arms. “Do you know why I didn’t go after you?” he asked sadly.

          “It doesn’t matter,” she said quickly trying to stop this conversation before it started. She didn’t want to know. She didn’t want to hear about Padmé or the chancellor or the Jedi or any other excuse he’d made up in his brain. 

          “Because I was afraid,” he continued as though she hadn’t even spoken. She rolled her eyes. Of course he was afraid. He was always afraid. The hero with no fear…  _right_. And she was the Chancellor of the Republic.

          “Get to the point,” she said, shrugging out of his grip and turning to face him. 

          “I was afraid to lose you!” he said angrily. But not angry at her, angry at himself.

          “For that, you  _let_  me go?” she asked in annoyance. 

          “I let you go because I had to!” he said defensively. “And I thought… I thought it was what you wanted me to do. You told me you had to figure things out without me. So I stayed there. I watched you walk away. I let you go. But I didn’t want to.”

          “So why didn’t you ever come after me? Maybe not that day, but any day after that?”

          “Because… because I thought you’d come back. When you were ready… I was so sure you’d come back.” He sat down hard on the bed and dropped his face in his hands. “But you never did.” She looked down at the floor and sighed. “And I was afraid that maybe none of it had meant what I thought it did. That I’d been wrong about all of it. And I didn’t want that confirmed because all I had left were the memories. I didn’t want to lose those.”

          His words echoed her exact same feelings on everything. He hadn’t come after her for the same reason she hadn’t gone back. The same reason she wore his old tunic every night and the same reason he’d tinkered on her lightsabers. And if they hadn’t been thrown together again for one final mission, this standoff likely would have lasted forever, since they were both insanely stubborn and apparently, dense. “And here I was thinking if I’d meant anything to you, you would have come after me like you used to. But you never did. And I started thinking, I’d been wrong about all of it.” She pulled the tunic tighter around herself.

          He looked up at her from the edge of the bed. “So much for no attachments, huh?” he smirked, but the humor faded into nothing but sadness and misery. She’d felt it just as deeply.

          "We were never good about not having attachments. Why start now?” She dropped down next to him on the bed. Tonight was going to hurt. Tomorrow would hurt so much worse. But it would never stop hurting if she shooed him out and didn’t open up to him one last time. It would be the one regret she’d never be able to shake, the one ‘what if?’

          She picked up his left hand and worked his glove off. She played with his fingers for a moment and then brought it to her lips, kissing it softly. He watched her as she did. She dropped it in her lap still holding it in her hand feeling stupid. Why was he so hard to let go? To stop loving? How could one person be both so loved and believe nobody loved them?

          “Ahsoka...” he breathed and a chill ran through her. He’d come here to talk but she didn’t want to talk. Not with words anyways. There was too much to communicate that words never could and the intensity with which they crashed through her rocked her core. 

          “Anakin,” she whispered, standing up and stepping in front of him. He promptly grabbed her by the hips and pulled her between his legs. “You know this is wrong... and if anybody ever found out...”

          “I don’t care,” he said, running his hands slowly up her back. Even through the heavy fabric of the tunic, she’d felt every ounce of pressure as though his fingers had touched her bare skin.

          “You should care,” she choked. “You have a lot to lose.”

          “Maybe,” he said. “But I already lost something that I don’t want to lose again. And getting to hold her close tonight again, is worth the risk.”

          She tucked a long strand that had been in front of his eyes behind his ear. Then she pulled his head against her chest and held him tight, savoring the protective way he wrapped his arms around her back. 

          The desperate hug seemed to go on forever as they both felt in the force a year’s worth of loneliness and pain. As much as he seemed to want her tonight, she knew that feeling wouldn’t last. It was easy for him to want only her when she was the only one around. But it was just as easy for him to not want her, when she wasn’t. 

          She finally pulled away and sighed. To give in or not give in? As if that was a choice she really had. She rolled her eyes, angry at herself. She’d _always_ given in. From day one, on; she’d always fallen into his arms. Who was the lost pup really? She’d followed him everywhere even when he hadn’t wanted her to follow. She’d given him every last drop of herself until she’d had nothing left. His mere presence could suck her dry and she’d let him. Sometimes it felt like who she was without him didn’t really matter. 

          It was the worst kind of pain. But when he was around, when he touched her, when he looked at her... like he was looking at her right now... it was like her heart grew wings. For mere moments she could forget she wasn’t his only one, or that she wasn’t the one he’d choose. And she really had no idea how he could love her so much and still seem to have room in that heart to love someone else more. 

          Because in her heart it was only him. He filled every nook and cranny. She loved others, she’d wanted others, but never ever like the way she’d wanted him. No one else had filled that hole, no one else had come close. And every time she gave in made it so much harder to let go. 

          He stood up in one graceful move, closing the distance between them like a hunter stalking their prey. She held her breath, she couldn’t blink. She followed his eyes until they were right in front of her. He no longer looked uncomfortable or awkward. He looked like someone that knew exactly what he wanted and right then, for just one moment, it was her. 

          He slid his fingers under her lekku and pulled her face into his, meeting her lips in a hungry desperation. Her instinct was to panic from the intensity because never before had it been so obvious what he wanted. And despite that being the only place he was holding her, she felt locked there as though she’d never be able to move again. 

          Her lips parted in need, much without her permission. Not because she didn’t want it, because she did. But her brain was telling her to back away; logical thoughts, past experience, protective walls suddenly became useless and muted.

          Her body moved towards him as though he were magnetic and he controlled the show. The deep kiss went on for so long, she couldn’t even remember the last time she took a breath. She doubted she needed to though. It was like someone had put oxygen to her lips; she breathed him in, feeling him pump through her entire body as though he alone could give her life. 

          Before she really knew what was happening, she’d leapt into his arms and he’d pressed her back into the wall. Pinning her in place as he continued his explorations. Her decision paralysis had faded as primal instinct took over, maybe even a deep-seated need. She pressed into him, offering every part of herself to touch and use as only he could. 

          His soft lips moved from her mouth to her cheek, to her jaw. She tipped her head back into the wall, letting him have his way. He took his time, touching every inch. Rocking her with fireworks in places she never before knew were so sensitive.

          But then in a strange moment of relief and disappointment, he pulled away. She blinked up at him feeling weak in the knees as her weight landed on them again. 

          “I didn’t come here for this,” he said breathlessly. The words hurt but the fire in his eyes spoke a different story altogether. He  _had_  come here for this, but there was something else he wanted more. Something that filled her with dread before he even asked for it. She was afraid to ask so she kept her mouth shut. Waiting an agonizingly long time for him to speak again. 

          She slid down the wall, no longer able to stay standing and his eyes followed her all the way down. “Did you come here to tease me?” she asked, hating the low growl that ripped through her words. The one that spoke every desire as though she were an open book. “To hurt me back for hurting you?”

          He shook his head and squatted in front of her, reaching a few fingers out to touch her face. “Ahsoka,” he started as though he were about to weigh every word. She didn’t know why he was weighing them, they would all be heavy. “I understand why you left the order, but why did you leave...  _me_...?”

          She squeezed her eyes shut knowing nothing but the truth would bridge the gaping wound between them. But the truth hurt far more than the lies she’d been telling herself. And no matter what she wanted tonight, no matter how badly she wanted to let him back in even if they only had tonight... she couldn’t admit the truth. She couldn’t. For her sake, and for his own.

          “Because you didn’t see me breaking,” she coughed finally, fighting the rising panic.  _Because you didn’t love me._  “Because you fought for my reputation...”  _but not my heart._  “Not what I needed.” She felt the sob course through her. “You only saw yourself as a hero.”  _Not my friend._  “And you wanted me to come back to the people that hurt me.”  _Because you were too afraid to leave._  “I couldn’t do that.”  _And you didn’t understand._

          The damn burst, and the tears flooded down her face. She couldn’t hold them in anymore as the sobs rocked her body. He sat down in front of her, pulling her forward into his lap so she was somewhat awkwardly straddling him. He pulled her tight against him as though he could hold her together. And maybe he could. Maybe she’d been foolish to leave. He held her there as though she was now a permanent fixture on his chest. She wrapped her arms around him and buried her face in his neck. 

          She cried like a child, releasing long repressed emotions. He rocked her back and forth almost as though maybe he understood more of her pain than she gave him credit for. 

          In his arms she felt his own fear. His own hurt. She felt the way he’d missed her; the ravine her absence had cracked in him. He was right; so much for attachments. They’d practically been attached at the hip from the very first day they’d met. Though her love for him had started long before that. They’d always _be_ attached. There was no getting around that. He was too much a part of her and she was too much a part of him. 

          Tomorrow would come and go. The battle would be won or lost. Their meeting would end as they part ways one more time, destined to walk separate paths. But no matter how far away they got from each other, no matter how long they were apart... they’d snap back together again. They’d find their way home. They were fused, and even if something got in the way, or someone came between them... that bond would never die. It would live on through the force.

          It was something no Jedi or Sith would ever understand. It was something she didn’t fully understand. But it was something she knew. A truth that lived in every cell in her body, every fiber. He was her and she was him. They were one and the same. And that was something not even the force, could change.

          She didn’t fight him, or let go when he lifted her in his arms and carried her to the bed. She curled herself in tighter as soon as he got comfortable. She didn’t react when he threw the blanket over them. Right now, for one last night, she just wanted to hold him like that would never change. Like they had their entire future ahead of them even though that couldn’t happen. She held him like she’d lose him and she prayed that couldn’t come true.

          In his arms, and only in _his_ arms, life felt right. And tonight she breathed it in, memorizing every sensation a million times over so that his imprint would carry her through the rest of her life. Because tomorrow meant goodbye and she didn’t ever, ever want tonight to end. 

 


	2. Chapter 2

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> I wasn't planning on continuing this but I've had a few days to come down from my angst and I needed to give it a slightly more hopeful ending. So here you go XD

            He ran the fingers of his left hand down her cheek, absentmindedly tracing the wing shape with his thumb. Then he pushed her lekku behind her shoulder and traced it too. He moved the fabric out of the way and leaned down to kiss her skin. 

            Maybe he’d known she wasn’t back to stay, but he’d hoped for it. The words she’d spoken the night before had hurt so bad. They weren’t friends anymore, that’s what she’d said. She’d closed him out. She hadn’t told him the whole truth about why she’d left. And even though she’d claimed it wasn’t about him at the time, he got the distinct impression that it was. Of course it was about him. Otherwise she’d just say it. 

            But despite being distant and trying her hardest to keep him out, she’d still responded with heat and want. She’d still let him touch her and hold her and she’d even begged for it. She even still wore his old tunic as though it was a source of comfort to her. So why, why didn’t she want to be with him? Why didn’t she want to come back? How had he hurt her so badly that she’d rather face the world alone than with his help? 

            He understood her aversion to the order itself. Maybe not completely, but enough to see why she was uncomfortable around them now. It had been written in every awkward movement while she’d greeted Master Kenobi. Though her tone had been relatively pleasant, she’d been even more distant with him. She hadn’t wanted him to touch her other than a quick handshake. He’d expressed good thoughts about seeing her again and seeing that she was well, but in her eyes he’d seen only doubts as though she believed nothing he said was genuine. 

            After their own awkward hug, she’d retreated to stand by Rex as though he and the other clones were the only people she felt safe with anymore. Which had hurt far more than he’d expected when he’d realized it. It was as though she felt more akin to them than to the order and the people that had raised her. And maybe she did.

            He kissed along her shoulder blade trying not to wake her but also unable to resist touching her. Ahsoka carried a warmth to her that no one else ever had. Whenever she was near enough to touch, that was all he wanted to do. But in the middle of battle or in front of the others, he’d been forced to satisfy the need with just a squeeze on her shoulder. It had become a kind of ritual to him. Like a mental prep for whatever was coming, as instinctual as the force. 

            And it became easy to gravitate towards her. He didn’t know quite how she had that effect, but he’d definitely noticed its absence when she was no longer there. He’d swallowed his fears and powered through it anyways, but he’d never felt nearly as ready for anything as he’d been when she was by his side. 

            He leaned his forehead down on her shoulder hating that their relationship had come to this. Hating that a few years ago he’d been so annoyed by her appearance and now he’d been wishing for it every day. He hated that he wanted her and weirdly, he hated that he’d chosen someone else. He hated that he’d spent hours wondering how different his life would have been if he’d left with Ahsoka while simultaneously panicking about what that would mean with his wife. He cursed his need to love everyone and keep them close, to protect them and fight for them even if none of them would ever do the same for him. 

            He played with the fabric of his tunic that he could see from where his head rested. As much as he liked that she wore it, he suddenly really wanted it off her. He tipped his head back to look at her face. As far as he could tell, she was still sound asleep. He shifted so he could lift his arm and she rolled onto her back and let out a soft sigh. 

            He stared at the side of her face. How was she so beautiful and how had she become so important to him? He lifted himself off the bed enough to lean over her, loving the way she looked, and the way she felt there next to him. Despite their words last night, they’d fallen back together, however reluctantly. He’d hated seeing the way she cried, he hated the pain that had coursed through him in the force. He hated knowing it was his fault even if he still didn’t fully understand why. 

            He met her lips softly, wanting to push deeper but feeling unsure about it. Even in her drowsy state though, she parted to let him in. He kissed her for a few minutes longer, running his hand down her face and her neck and then her chest; tugging at the fabric on the way by. 

            But before he could do anything else, his comm beeped and he dragged himself out of the bed to go answer it before it woke her up.

            He stared at his comm for a few minutes in disbelief before finally scrambling to get dressed. He had no plans of waking her, and the last thing he wanted to do was say goodbye. Maybe he’d just leave word with Rex that he’d meet them on Mandalore.

            _Please don’t go._  He stopped by the door and furrowed his brow in confusion. He couldn’t remember her speaking but the words had hit him nonetheless. In fact, he hadn’t even thought she was awake. He slowly turned around to see her standing there by the bed. She was staring at him with her piercing blue eyes; they weren’t as soft as they normally were, but there was a depth and intensity to them that felt too much like he might drown in them. His old tunic was still off her shoulder, exposing her gorgeous orange skin that moments ago he’d been kissing. And quite without his control, his eyes had slid all the way down her, admiring the muscles of her legs that were both well-defined but still feminine. He felt her in the force, reaching across the room, powerful and hypnotizing and suddenly very distracting.

            “But the Chancellor…” he said finally, struggling to remember why he’d left her side to begin with.

            “The others can rescue him,” she said, still without blinking or breaking their eye contact. “Why does it always have to be you?”

            “Because…” He almost said because he was more powerful but that would have come out wrong. Because it was his duty didn’t sound right either. Because he’s the Chosen One, or so people claimed. “He’s my friend.”

            “Don’t go,” she breathed, and he noticed her trembling lips. He felt a pang in the force. Not fear, not loss… something else. After how desperate she was to keep her distance the night before, now she was begging him to stay.  _Don’t leave me._ She hadn’t said the words, but maybe she’d meant to. It didn’t matter though. They’d struck him just as strongly.

            He stood there, frozen, unsure how to respond. Ahsoka, better than anyone, knew his duty came first. She knew he would go to any lengths to save his friends. She knew how important the Chancellor was to the Republic and to winning the war, and to him. If she was begging him not to go, he shouldn’t. It didn’t make any sense. He’d never before felt something like this from her. She’d never before asked for him and there was something about the way she’d asked that had paralyzed him.

            Before he could change his mind, he was closing the distance between them. He slid his arms under hers, lifting her against him. She wrapped her arms around his neck, pulling herself towards him. His right hand went up beneath her back lekku and closed on her shoulder as he buried his face into her neck. The way she felt, right then, in that moment, would forever be burned in his memory. Maybe it was just a hug, maybe it was something so much more. It felt as though something had fused between them, something that had previously been broken or incomplete. He couldn’t explain it, and he was having a hard time keeping his thoughts straight at all.

            His brain was telling him to go, to rescue the chancellor. But no matter how that duty called to him, he felt compelled to stay with her. He should be annoyed that after fighting him so hard last night, that now she wanted him here. He should be angry that she’d left him and now had the audacity to ask  _him_  to stay. He should give her a piece of his mind or tell her to make up her own. But as he held her there, in a hug like he’d never experienced before, the rest of the world faded away. 

            In her arms he felt hope. He felt protected. He felt a promise. Even if she had left him before, even if she wouldn’t say why, he finally, for the first time understood that it was both about him and not about him that was the reason why. And though the details of that revelation had yet to make complete sense, he felt it all the same. 

            The reason Ahsoka had become so important to him was because she was the only one that had wanted to be there. Well, maybe others did too, but they had a funny way of showing it. Or at the very least, their desire to be there hadn’t been a driving motivation because there were other things more important to them. And when she’d left, she’d shattered that belief, that feeling that somebody actually wanted him or needed him. But now he finally felt it. She’d still wanted him, still needed him, but in a way he’d been unable, or unwilling to give her. So, to protect herself, she’d walked away. 

            Now he knew why he couldn’t walk away. Though she wanted him and needed him, she was the most selfless person he’d ever met. In her selflessness, she’d repeatedly given up her own desires for those of others. He hadn’t offered her what she’d wanted so she’d left, believing that she was giving it up yet again; this time for him. And when he hadn’t gone after her, she’d tried to push it all aside and go on without him. Because to her, he must have everything he’d ever wanted, or he would have tracked her down. 

            He squeezed her tighter and she let out a breath in surprise since they were already holding onto each other for dear life. “I’m sorry,” he breathed, tears welling in his eyes. He kissed her neck and she nosed her way deeper into his shoulder. “I didn’t go after you because I didn’t understand you wanted me to.”

            She didn’t respond, but he felt the force change around her. For a split second he thought he’d felt the chancellor reaching out, but he shook it away as he was enveloped by her warmth. He had no idea how long they stood there like that, but everything else had been forgotten. All he could think about was her, the way she felt both physically and in the force, and a sense of peace like he’d never known before. It pumped through their bond as though she was quite literally his heart and supplying all the fresh blood to his body. 

            He felt years of pain and doubt, fears and insecurities melting away. For the first time in his life, he felt like his life might turn out alright. He didn’t know how she was doing that, but he never wanted her to stop. He couldn’t recall a single memory with Padmé that had felt like this. Never once a certainty for their future. Never once a sense of peace. If anything, this experience was showing him that his relationship with his wife provoked quite the opposite kind of feelings. He almost wanted to try holding Padmé this way to see if it felt the same, but that meant letting go of Ahsoka and right now, that was the last thing in the world he wanted to do. 

            When everything finally settled around them, she looked up at his face. He felt almost weak and lightheaded. But not exactly in a bad way. Almost like she’d sucked all the darkness right out of him. All the things he’d hidden away, hoping he never had to face it. “Do you want me?” she whispered, reading his eyes like a book. He didn’t know what they were telling her, but she stared at him intently. 

            “Yes.” That was all he could manage. He wasn’t sure how to explain what had just happened, or why he suddenly had the strongest urge to follow her everywhere. He wasn’t sure how they’d make it work or if they could, but his answer had been nothing but the truth.

            He wanted her. He wanted her so badly he had no idea how he’d functioned without her there. He had no idea why she seemed to have so much power over him. Why he’d always listened to her even when it didn’t make sense. But he knew if he let go, and they went their separate ways again, he would never ever be okay, no matter what else he had in his life. If he let her walk away a second time, she’d be taking all of him with her except for his body, perhaps. Everything he was lived in her now.

            No wonder it felt like they’d fused. They were now one and the same. 

 


End file.
